I'm leaving on a jet plane...

But I do know that I will be back again. Blah.

I'm leaving on Tuesday for my required (but much enjoyed) trip to visit my parents. :) Originally it was supposed to be a "Surprise My Mom For Her Birthday" trip but then I quickly remembered that my mom hates surprises and would not be thrilled to see me when I jumped up on their doorstep at 10 at night. Plus, I wouldn't have a car there so calling my mommy to come pick me up would kind of ruin it there.

OH! And I don't have a key to the house. Seriously?! I was thinking about this the other day. I have keys to several of my friends houses but not to the house I was raised in? Something is wrong with this picture. Hmpf.

So here is the deal...I am a crappy flyer. I used to be really great at it and enjoyed it so much! Now, I get sick to my stomach at the idea of flying.

Its not because I am scared of terrorists or of crashing...I am afraid of body odor. Not my own (I smell very good thank you very much!) but of others. Seriously.

About four years ago my fear began. I was leaving to go to London for a much anticipated trip. I loaded the plan ready to go with book in hand and a cute little eye cover. Next thing I know a man sits down next to me that could literally make your hair stand on end he smelled so bad. He was like Pigpen from Charlie Brown with the smell he had going on. It was rank!


He proceeded to chat me up the entire trip and let me tell you that his breath was not helping the situation AT ALL. UGH...Hello?! Breat mints?


A few trips later I apparently was seated next to his sister. She was one of those hippie kids who refused to bath, shave her legs, and did not wear deodorant. I'm all for being natural and organic, but at some point you have to give in to the "man" and get rid of that odor. For the love of all that is good and right...WEAR DEODORANT!

Then there was the cherry on the banana split...I was flying into Missouri for what was to be a crazy trip. How could it not be in Missouri?! Anywho...this quite greasy looking man sits down next to me. At this point I realize that I am done flying. I will start driving everywhere! I knew this man was going to sit next to me the minute he stepped onto the plane. People started dropping like flys as he walked past them from his odor. When he sat down near me I realized why...he was soaked in Old Spice ON TOP OF HIS B.O.! Seriously?! My eyes started to water and the next thing I knew I was asking for a barf bag. I was not the favorite passenger on that plane.

When I got off the plane my relatives were waiting with open arms to greet me. However, as I went to give them all hugs they quickly retracted. Apparently, the smell attached itself to me, my hair, and all my belongings. WHY!? I was the smelly girl!

So wish me luck this week...here is to no B.O. and a safe landing!

See you all soon.

Knotty Girl...OUT!

Thongs are evil...

I readily admit that I wear thongs on the occasional basis. I normally wear them when I am going out to the club because I am desperately afraid that something alcohol related is going to happen and people are going to have to rip my clothes off for a medical emergency and what will they find...my hanes her ways. UGH...so instead I wear my uncomfortable thongs.

I spend most days preventing my underwear from riding up my crack and one day a week I place it there on purpose. Riiigggghhhtttt...makes sense.

After this past weekend at the bachelorette party I was at I have decided that all people should protest thongs in public.

What is up with the slouch socks and army boots?! That isn't hot!!!! :( GRRR...


Thongs=Pain




So join me in the protest against men in thongs! Its for the good of all women everywhere...or at least at the women that frequent the Savage Men Review ;)

Crocs Rock!

They are ugly and they make me trip all the time, but I *heart* my Crocs! Seriously, they are the most comfortable shoes ever. They weigh about 3 ounces total and I can't stop wearing them. Even to work! My Crocs are a medium and this adds one more reason to why I love these shoes.



Now that I've posted this picture I see that my office floor is quite dirty. I honestly have no idea what that random stain is in the corner but I feel the urge to investigate it when I go back to work on Monday. Either that or just stick a chair over it so I don't have to look at it. HA!

I detest clean clothes...

I know that sounds strange, but I must considering how much I loathe doing laundry. Seriously, I can not stand to do this and if I had money I would pay someone to do this for me every week.

My clothes have been thrown from one side of the room to the other in hopes that they will one day be put in the washer. I have been reduced to buying new undies instead of washing them. How sad is that? Instead of just walking my ass down 40 flights of steps to the basement to stick my clothes in the washer, I drive the 20 minutes to the Walmart to get new undies. Don't wrinkle your nose at my Walmart undies. This girl can't afford to be buying Victoria's Secret underwear every time I run out of clean ones. (PS. I say undies because panties is one of my no-no words. It makes me cringe when I hear it. Along with crease and moist. UGH!)

I have a pair of black pants that I am trying to convince myself that no one will notice that they have been laying on the floor for the past month. Who am I kidding? It looks like a small animal has formed because of all the dog hair that has collected on them.

This morning I walked into morning in a dress and nice blazer. People were shocked at how nice I looked. Little do they know that I just refuse to do laundry so now I am forced to wear my DRY CLEAN ONLY clothes. Well crap.

So I must sign off...and drive my butt to Walmart to get some undies.

Night all!

A little bit more about me...

This was stolen from Its Pop, Not Soda. :) Thanks for helping a girl out of a writing funk.

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IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
*First I need to get a house in the first place. Right now I have a very cute apartment that I am really luck to have. However, I would love to own a small cottage type of house next to a lake or an apartment in a really tall apartment building in NYC. :) The best of either world.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
*My Boston Red Sox sweatshirt and my reef flip flops. Love them both! I also *heart* pajama pants.

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
*What time should I wake up or do I wake up? HA! I try to wake up around 6:45, but don't manage to roll out of bed until 8:15 after the alarm has gone off at least 16 times.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
*A chef.

IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
*Well, I play the clarinet, but I would love to learn how to play the guitar. I could rock out with the best of them. I am sure of it.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
*I love SUVs. Right now I have a Santa Fe, but I would to have an Escalade. Pimp Me!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTER LIFE?
*I just don't know. Its so hard to make up my mind about these things.

FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
*Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...I still have it at my parents house.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
*Probably Fall. I can wear cute sweatshirts, but it still isn't too cold to take walks with Korky in the evening.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
*I want to be invisible!

IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
*No tattoos. Please see earlier tattos post. HA!

CAN YOU JUGGLE?
*Only men.


THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
*Probably my grandparents. They are all living, but older and have a hard time communicating with me these days.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
*Saturday. I can sleep in and stay up late. Life is good.

WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR ?
*All kinds of crap. I constantly throw stuff into the back and end up leaving it there for months. Usually its a lot of empty water bottles.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
*Neither. Unless its a boca burger. Vegetarians Rock!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
*White Roses and Tulips. :)

FAVORITE ICE CREAM
*Pralines and Cream

BUTTER, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN?
*A little bit of both, but only at the movies!

FAVORITE COLOR
*Hot Pink

WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?
*Hyundai Santa Fe

FAVORITE SANDWICH?
*Hummus and feta cheese in a pita

ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
*I would definately go back to London or Ireland for a nice weekend.

FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING
*Ann Taylor Loft hands down. Love that place!

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
*Florida

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
*College Football...GO NOLES!

ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON OR A NIGHT OWL?
*Night owl for sure.

WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?
*Harry Potter 6 and Miss America by Howard Stern

Random Acts of Kindness...

So tonight I was at my local yarn store hanging out and knitting with some local ladies. They were showing off their wonderful work with felting and I was admiring their stuff.

One woman had brought a friend along and she too was showing off her beautiful bags that she had made. One in particular caught my eye and I comented on it right away.

She turned to me and asked me what my name was.

I answered.

She then said...well here then. Enjoy! AND GAVE ME THE PURSE! How lovely is that?!



Maybe I will buy someone's breakfast in the McDonalds line tomorrow morning. :)

Back in the day...

Last night my good friend P-Lo and I were talked about childhood crushes as we drove home from a night out on the town. She was laughing so hard when I got out of her car that I am starting to believe she was actually laughing AT me and not with me like I
originally thought. Huh. I'm going to have to look into that.

Now, before I start, please realize that I was born in 1980. I am an only child born to a father who loves people like Barbara Streisand,Diana Ross, Patti Labelle, and of course, Janis Joplin. My mother was (and it pains me to say this) a Randy Travis fan. She also enjoyed the silent hum of the static on every AM station. I think these three items really can tell you a lot about me before I even mention who my
crushes were.

When I was a little kid, lets say kindergarten and 1st grade, I was obsessed with the Care Bears, Fraggle Rock, and the Smurfs.

Its not until now that I am thankful that I was able to mentally mature at all. These shows could take point off your IQ just by listening to the theme songs. However, I loved them. My grandmother made these cute little ceramic care bears for me for my birthday. My mother thought that she would take advantage of this gift by letting me play with them nonstop. This includes sleeping and bathing with them. Now lets
think about this…I'm 5 and I'm sleeping with ceramic figurines. Huh. I dreamed of one day becoming a Care Bear with a Great Care Bear stare. I would practice day and night on sticking my stomach out far enough in hopes that a little burst of sunshine, four leaf clover, or a rainbow would break out. The most I ever got was a little fart.

Once I realized I would never be a Care Bear I moved on to loving the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.

I played the tape non-stop, only pausing to fast forward past the talking part in the Thriller song. Every now and then I would attempt to freak myself out by listening to this part and regretted it every time. Nothing to me was cooler than Michael in his super skinny black leather jumpsuit with tons of belts, buckles,bells, and whistles. He could jump around like no man (or woman for that matter) I had ever seen. I went to bed every night content with knowing that when the time came I would meet MJ and we would be married. Now I realize that I am not his type. I am not a boy and I'm
over the age of 12. A girl could dream back then though...

When Michael took a small break, New Kids on the Block busted out on the scene. They even took the place of Care Bears with a fun cartoon based on their exciting lives.

This was the first time where I was actually allowed to go into Spencers and check out the posters in the back corner of the store. My dad would stand with my while I slowly flipped through the posters time and time again trying to decide whether or not I wanted another group shot poster or maybe just the single photo of Joey
McIntyre. Bless my dad. Birthday, Christmas and random gifts were easy to get for me then. If you bought me one of those large buttons with any of the teenage heartthrob's mugs on it, I was a happy camper. I would diligently wear it on my super cool hot pink Hypercolor shirt that was tied on the side in a big knot and when I got to school I would proudly display it on my desk by using the built in stand on the
back of the button. I was the envy of my friends back then. Now they make fun of me because I still have that button and bust it out on my desk at work every now and then. Seriously, I am always good for a laugh.

After I had stopped Hangin' Tough I began to grow into a young girl that liked that bad boys. Specifically George Michael. Stop Laughing.
I mean it.

My dad (poor guy) volunteered to take me to his Faith Concert. We sat so far up in the Civic Center that we had to watch most of the concert on the big screens on the side of the stage. Looking back I realize that we might have just been watching the
videos from the songs without even realizing it. Huh. George Michael, never just George, was scruffy, hot, and wore a cool leather jacket with a big cross earring. Really, is there more to men then that? I think not my friends. He shook his butt because he wanted my sex and I had no idea what he was talking about. I wanted to help him get that monkey off his back and I was even willing to take it to the zoo. I was so in love. Several years later I found out that the only way our paths would meet was if I decided to start using men's public restrooms. Another crush bites
the dust…

After my breakup with George Michael I went through a drought of crushes. No man was good enough to beat George Michael's sexy snarl,or Michael's shiny chains, or Joey's Boston accent. I was a little girl lost. UNTIL…

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! (FYI...if you don't know, he is a wrestler.)

I had found the love of my life and I was ready to embrace it. Ask yourself how any woman can resist a man who can wear his panties in public with hooker boots and still manage to crush down all the recycling?! I certainly could not. Every night that
the WWF would come on I watched diligently waiting to catch a glimpse of my dream man. Would he be wearing his sexy knee brace? Or possibly even open a can of whoop ass on someone? A girl could only hope. Then my time came…WWF was coming to my college town and Stone Cold was going to be there. I called every single person I knew and asked them to go with me. Not one of those meanies said yes. I'm still pissy
about it to this day. So dear old Dad came to the rescue and we went to a WWF match together. As we sat in the stands among thousands of 12-14 year old little boys I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. When he walked out of the back with the cloud of smoke surrounding him it was like an angel had just walked into the room. The heavens opened, a light showered him, and music began to play. Oh wait, that was just the tech guys at the Civic Center. Whatever. It worked for me at that time. My dad and I watched excitedly as Stone Cold wrestled and when it was time for him to leave the ring my dad pushed me down to the bottom of the seats. It was my time to make a connection to him. I screamed and waved my hands and every now and
then elbowed a small child out of the way and then it happened... he nodded his head at me! I turned to my dad and he was just as excited as I was! It had happened! Stone Cold Loved Me!

To this day Stone Cold and I share a romance. I'm sure he remembers me and will eventually one day be able to pannounce his love for me to the public.

Until then…its boys who can't read and men who don't own clean underwear.

Crush on Kids!

Yippee Skippy! Thank yous are in order!

Thank you so much to Robin aka BabyThree4Me I now have a banner. How great is that?!!

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!

WHOO HOO!

I love my bed and my bed loves me...

Every weekday I am supposed to be at work by 9am. On any of those given days you will find me strolling in around 9:30am with hopes that my boss has either disappeared into some meeting or has found someone else to chat with that is nowhere near my office.

To some this latecoming is signs of a lack of work ethic. To me, its a sign of how comfortable my bed is. See...my bed loves me, and I love it!

After I graduated college I finally moved into my own apartment with just me, myself, and I as my roommate. It was wonderful! Only one problem. I was broke!I was a grown up with a real job and I was not going to have help from my parents so soon in the game. So instead I bought a futon frame and then a brand new mattress for the sucker. The cover to the futon was a lovely shade of zebra stripes. My mother, being the good sport she is, found some faux zebra fur and hot pink solid material to make huge throw pillows. They were awesome and I still miss them (thanks Kork for peeing on them).

The futon worked for about 4 months and then I started to wake up with a serious cramp in my neck. I attributed this to my futon. So I did the next best thing...I bought a blowup bed. Actually, I didn't buy it. I just borrowed it from my mom. Let me tell you right now. There is nothing cooler than inviting people over to your house and then showing them your blowup bed.OH wait! A blowup bed with a featherbed that I thought would add a little luxuary to bed. How adult is that? It was adult for about a year. HA!

Well when I finally moved out of the state I sold the futon and gave back the blowup bed to my parents. It was a sad parting for about 3 seconds exactly. When I got to my current home I was determined to get a bed.

My dad and I went on a search and I immediately found heaven. It had a pillow top and the minute I layed on it I felt like I could just fall asleep right there. Problem...I had no money!!! :( Dang it. So I broke down and let my parents pay for the bed. Ok, so it wasn't really breaking down but more like "Please Daddy, Please!"

So that leads me to now. I have 320 thread count gold sheets (to match my super cool gold curtains) and my fun teal cover for my down comforter (another gift from mom and dad). I get in my bed and its nice and cool. I kick my legs back and forth to feel the soft sheets brush against my freshly shaved legs and I am in H-E-A-V-E-N!

I'm in heaven so much that I sleep till around 9:15am on weekdays and on the weekend at least till 2pm or so. I know, I know...how do I do that? Well my friends, it is hard work. You know that point where you have to go the bathroom so you get up. Nope, not me. I work through the pain. I work those kidneys like nobody's business. If someone could get fit by working out their kidneys I would be Miss Fitness America!

My bed loves me when I smell a little. My bed loves me when I'm super drunk and can barely make the entire way onto the bed. My bed loves me when I'm super clean and its sheets are so clean that it squeaks when I roll around too much. My bed loves when Korky snuggles up on my pillow and stares out the window.

My bed loves me and I love my bed. :)

We have a winner!

After some long searching (ok, only a few weeks) we have finally found a third roommate to replace Stripper She-Who-Can-Not-Be-Named. Our house is too cute and people should feel super lucky to live here! Ok, maybe not, but at least it isn't falling to the ground!


The minute she came in our house she complimented the color of our walls. She had me at "Cool!". I enjoy anyone who can appreciate my artistic side. :)


Now the search to find this wonderful roommate is where it gets interesting.

I placed a wonderful ad on a slightly odd, but popular website in hopes that one of the few normal eggs would contact me.

My first email was this:

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HELLO,
AM DOCTOR **** ,I WAS BORN IN USA BUT MY MOTHER HAVE DIVORCED MY FATHER, SINCE 20 YEARS NOW, AND MY MOTHER MOVED TO WEST AFRICA , SOME MOUNTH LATTER MY MOTHER DIED.AFTER THEN MY FATHER FELT SICK, THEY NOW CALL ME IN USA TO COME AND THREAT MY FATHER, I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE CITY NOW AND I DONT WANT TO STAY IN MY DADDY,S HOUSE, SO THAT IS WHY I WILL LIKE TO RENT UR APARTMENT , BUT I DONT HAVE CASH, I WILL LIKE TO PAY BY CHEQUE PLEASE HELP ME BECOUSE MY FAHER IS IN TERRIBLE CONDITION RIGHT NOW. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HELP ME PLZ I WILL LIKE TO KNOW UR FULL ADDRESS AND UR FULL NAME AND UR PHONE NUMBER OK SO I CAN USE THST TO SEND THE CHEQUE TOYOU OK LEASE MAIL ME BACK NOW OK .PLZ I WLL WANT YOU TO MAKE IT SNAPY COS OF THE CONDTION OF MY DAD RIGHT NOW.
THANKS
DR.. ****

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Sorry lady, no snapy decisions are made around this place.

Here is another email from the most beautiful girl in the word. This was also accompanied by a naked picture, but I will save you from those gruesome photos. Nobody wants to see a Jack Daniels bottle being held to some girls mouth simple by strong boobie muscles. Well...I guess someone does, but you won't get that smut here. HA!

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My name is ***** *****, I live with my sister in Arizona. Am a model by occupation and i mostly model cloths and other things like shoes and more, I have been modeling ever since i was 16 years but that was locally but now i model all over the state and sometimes move out of the country to model too.
i am currently in west Africa ,{Nigeria} to be precise ,and am there for my contract, modeling for issey miyake,is just a month contract, but i wont love to go back to my sister house when getting back to the state.
i registered to craigslist and i saw you advertising your room, that there is vacant there, I will love to know if the room can be given to me because I will love to come there directly to stay when coming back to the state.
About the payment that is not a problem I WILL TELL MY LAST BOSS WHO I MODELED FOR WHEN I WAS IN THE STATE TO SEND YOU A CHECK OF MY LAST PAYMENT WISH HE IS OWING ME SO THAT THE ROOM CAN BE KEPT FOR ME.
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Wait, let me send you my address, phone number, credit card number, and SSN so you can mail it to me quickly. Freaks.

Wait, the best is yet to come. I get a phone call from "Darryl". Darryl sounds pretty cool on the phone and we are chatting up a storm. I ask why he is moving and he says he still lives with his mom but she is going into a nursing home so he needs to find a new place. Still living with mom? So I ask, "How old are you?" He says, "How old do I sound?" Are you kidding me?! I don't have time to play stupid games. Just tell me how freaking old you are!

So he says "Well I look 20, but I'm really 39." So wait, let me get this straight? You are 39, male, living with mom, and now you wont to move in with two 20 something year olds? AND then complained about the price of rent and was worried he wouldn't be able to pay it. Oh my.

Needless to say, I ended that conversation pretty quickly.

So today potential new roomie comes by. Very sweet, extremely pretty, and damnit...she's super skinny! She is becoming a physcial therapist and she runs cross country. Who does that? How do they have that much time? I'm lucky if I have enough time to brush my teeth on a daily basis!!

So wish me luck kids. Tomorrow we are going out together so she can meet Famous Ang and Ang can can give her approval.

If you don't hear back from me in the next week or so, send the search parties out. :)

Happy 4th of July!!!

I hope everyone has a happy and SAFE 4th of July!



By the way, fireworks freak me out. I know, JUST KNOW, that eventually a little bit of them are going to fling over towards me and set my hair on fire.

Remember...crap in the hair aka "product" = flammable.

SAFE kids, SAFE Holidays!