Happy Memorial Day Kids!

I hope everyone had a very Happy and SAFE Memorial Day!


I spent the day with my fake family here. :) They are nice enough to make me all types of vegetarian foods so I can still participate in the festivities.

Of course there was lots of playing with the kids and drinking lots of Coke. Whoo hoo!

So basically, I went home with a caffeine hangover, a sore back, a full tummy, and tons of leftover.

God, I love holidays.

I made my own message board! YEA!

This isn't to replace any other boards, just to add to the fun. :)

The Knotty Spot

Join up and lets see where it goes!

Have fun ladies.

I'm a drooling fool...

Its quite possible that I have outdone myself. Yes. I am even less cool than I was yeserday. Mark it down on your calendar ladies and gentlemen.

What happened for me to come to this conclusion you ask? Well let me share.

I am having an issue with my wisdom teeth. For the past few years every dentist I saw said that I would probably not need to have my wisdom teeth taken out. Sometime last week I felt my tooth suddenly appear overnight. Very weird. It took me 2 years when I was in 1st grade for my two front teeth to grow back when they fell out, but now I have teeth that grow overnight. I think this is because of all that Smart Water I have been drinking, but that is another story. I'm convinced that the Smart Water will probably make me grow some third nipple but yet I continue to drink it.

Anyway, back to the story on hand.

Well the tooth that grew in overnight is at an angle that makes it so that its cutting into my cheek. At first I thought I could just wait out the pain, but then it started to get worse.

So then I started to go out drinking a little more during the week so that I could numb it up. That worked well until I realized that I was blowing through my paycheck like nobody's business and my coworkers were starting to complain about the day old booze smell that I had going on at work.

Next I decided that the "Finger in my mouth" look would work well for me. I pulled it off when I was a baby, so why not now? I figured I would just wear the chicken cutlets daily and nobody would even notice my finger jammed into my mouth. However, I quickly realized that I need my left hand a lot more than I thought and there were entirely too many germs on my hands for me to be sticking them back in my mouth after I used my hand. I tried doing that anitbacterial gel stuff, but I have to tell you...that is one nasty taste.

My next solution was using a cotton ball. I balled that sucker up and stuck it in the back of my mouth. This worked perfectly for a bit, but then it would get all nasty and wet then it would start to fall out. There is *almost* nothing worse than having a wet cotton wad fall out of your mouth while you are out at the club trying to dance with hottie boy. Not that it happened to me.

The final straw on why I shouldn't use cotton balls occured yesterday afternoon. I had just gotten home from dinner and drinks my friend, P-Lo. I admit that I was getting a little tipsy and a nap sounded like the best idea EVER. So I layed my butt down on the couch, with the cotton ball wedged into place, and took a 20 minute nap. When I woke up my cheek was killing me. Apparently, at some point during the nap my cotton wad had unwedged itself and I swallowed it. Thankfully the 2peas crew assured me that I would not die from swallowing one cotton ball, but that I should probably buy gauze.

So this morning, cotton ball in place again, I made my way down to CVS. Have you ever looked for gauze at the store?! There are so many choices. Who knew? So I picked out the stuff I thought I needed and picked up some Orajel on the way out the door too.
When I got home I pulled out that gauze and tried to stick it my mouth. It was really stiff though and kind of sticky. Very odd I thought, but figured that must be because I don't normally stick gauze in my mouth. As I sat there with the stiff stuff in my mouth I decided to read the box. Ugh...I managed to buy Sterile Pads with Self Adhesive instead of gauze. This is what I get for always picking the second item on the shelf.

I dragged my butt back to the car with full intention of going BACK to CVS to get gauze. On the way there I was distracted by Old Navy's large SALE signs. You know when Old Navy sales SALE that there is bound to be something priced at less than $10. I pulled into the parking lot and pulled out the Orajel. I figured that I would just smack some of that stuff on my mouth until I could get some gauze.

My tongue tingled a bit and my gum immediately started to feel better once I had put it on. I missed the first couple of times I tried to stick my finger back into my mouth, but eventually I got it.

I made my way into Old Navy, looking super cute I might add. I tried clothes on, dug through the clearance section, and went to the checkout line. The whole time I was pain free! I kept thinking that Orajel crap was a miracle drug!

To my surprise my imaginary boyfriend at Old Navy was at the register. Whoo hoo! SALEs, Hot boy, and no pain. It was like Christmas up in Erin Land. He started to ring up my clothes as I just stared directly at him. He looked up to say my total and I felt it happen...

A drop of drool fell onto my chest. I quickly whipped my hand up to my chin only to find that it was completely covered in drool. Seriously?! Had no one noticed that I was a drooling fool?! It was apparent that I had no because my mouth was so numb from that stupid Orajel.

Imaginary boyfriend gave me that "You are such a tool" look and I immediately knew it...I the postergirl for Home Depot. I was a Tool.

and a drooling one at that.

Please don't touch my butt...

How often do you have to say that phrase? I am hoping not that often. However, if you have as much junk in the trunk as I do, then you find yourself uttering that phrase on a daily basis. Weird you might think? Well...it is.

Lets talk about last weekend at Club Paris. No words really can accurately describe the butt slapping that took place at this club, but I will do my best.

Shawna and I made our ways down to cheesy Club Paris just so we could have a good laugh. We were fortunate to show up on the night that some local radio station was broadcasting from there so the music was decent.

Now I had the chicken cutlets in full force so I am fully aware that they draw attention to me. However, the amount of butt grabbing that was occuring was starting to take me off guard. To avoid all awkward situations, Shawna and I made our way to the dance floor. Unforunately, times did not get better. At this point three extrememly large men cornered me. Normally, this would be my dream come true but these dudes were way to sweaty for a club and their cologne was starting to make me feel a little faint.

Now, in order to describe the scene it would be best if you have seen the Night At The Roxbury movie. Are ya with me now? Three large men just bumping me around in a circle. It was like I was moshing, only I wasn't enjoying it one bit!

Being the bestfriend that Shawna is, she hid behind another large man. *I will get her back!* So the boys continue to dance and pingpong me around. Then the it happened...one of the guys smacked my butt and asked me to "Shake It."

SERIOUSLY?! Who does this? At what point does some guy think to himself, "You know what would be hot and get this girl to like me?! If I smack her!" Nope, not a good idea buddy.

So I lost it. I started flailing and I'm almost positive they thought I was having a seizure. Did that stop them for them smacking? NOPE! So I flung myself to the ground and crawled out off the dance floor through large amounts of sweat, beer, and some sticky substance that I refuse to think about ever again. Needless to say that those pants were thrown out immediately when I got home.

Ok. So we are all at the same point in the story. I have literally crawlwed away from these boys and I hate my bestfriend. So enter the shots. After a few of those, I feel better. But then I feel a hand on my butt. I turn and its some guy. His hand is kind of resting on my butt like its an armrest. I'm sorry? Did I have a reserved sign on my ass for your arm? So I kind of knock it off and turn to pay for my drink. Arm slides back up to the butt. At this point I'm kind of pissed. I turn to him and tell him that I don't feel comfortable with his arm there. He just gives me the puppy dog eyes and tells me that he thinks he could show me how great we could be together. I did the only thing I could think to do...I told him I didn't think we would work well because my transistion to a woman was not complete.

Was that wrong? Maybe. Was it funny as hell? Absolutely. Shawna overheard me and had to contain her bladder.

BUT WAIT! The story is not done.

Shawna and I return to the dance floor for a little more dancing, minus the booty slapping. After about 30 minutes I feel a tap on my sholder. Its arm rest man. He leans over and whispers in my ear that he is willing to wait the transition out. Wowzas. Now that is some serious acceptance.

I told him he could rest his arm on Shawna's butt. She didn't figure it out, but he seemed pleased.

I'm Baaaaccckkkk!

I had the absolute best time in Florida with my Shawdawg! I am the luckiest girl to have such a wonderful bestfriend. I'm still a little tired to write a huge post so I will leave you with a cute pic of us at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville.

“Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart.”

I'm leaving on a jet plane!

No posting for a few days kids...I'm off to Florida to visit my bestfriend. WHOO HOO!

Shawdawg and E-Lo are up to no good. :)



Have a great weekend!

Feeling a little homesick...

I'm 25 years old and I miss my Mommy. Is that normal?

I haven't lived with my parents since I was 18 years old. I went away to college and I just never moved back. It wasn't because home was horrible, it was just the way it worked out. When I made the decision to move out of the state I was born and raised in my parents were so supportive. My mom made this statement, "Do you know the difference between want and need Erin?" I answered Yes. She said, "Erin, I want you to move home and live with us forever. However, I NEED you to move, follow your dreams, and accomplish everything you set your heart and mind to." I knew then that my Mom was the most awesome lady ever. My dad just sat there and cried as she asked me this. A man of few words when it comes to these types of things. :)

So now I'm in another state and I sometimes find myself wondering if I made the right choice. Is it ok to be away from my family? I miss them terribly! Will it be like this forever? If so, I don't know if I can last it out.

I have fabulous friends here and a good friend who's family has almost adopted me, but it just doesn't compare to time I spend with my parents.

I know that I'm meant to be here right now. I just hope I make the right choices in the future. Until then...I miss my HOME. I miss my house. I miss my parents.

Just call me Home Depot...

I admit it...I'm a tool. You might as well stick a price tag on me and start selling me at Home Depot. I cannot be trusted to step out in public without doing something to embarrass myself or others (which I really don't mind so much and sometimes do it on purpose). I also cannot be trusted to do things that require any type of concentration or skill. Lets talk about some examples. Ok?

1. I stalk a guy at work. Yes, I said stalk. I truly mean that I stalk him too. My coworkers and I actually check him out in the cafeteria. I'm almost positive he has noticed. This might be because I have managed to slam myself into the elevator while looking over my shoulder at him. OR when I slammed myself into his friend because I was watching him checkout. He stares at me a lot too, but I really think its because he is trying to catch my name on my badge so he can get his restraining order all set. So if I don't post for quite some time I can almost guarantee that I'm in jail.
Can you go to jail for stalking? Ugh. If I'm going to go to jail at least I could be a peeping Tom and get a good show! Something to think about. (See? Tool.)

2. I run into things with my car...a lot. On a regular basis I back into things. If I run into another car (just light taps) I always get out of the car ready to blame that person. Didn't they know that by parking in that particular parking spot they were just asking to be hit? Geez. I also swear that the yellow pole in the parking garage by the bookstore moves when I'm in the store. I pull in and it is a decent amount away from the side of the car. I pull out and it’s right up on my shit. Since the pole incident I look at the yellow marks on the passenger door as my custom made detailing. Almost like flames! Don't be jealous of this tool yo!

3. I fall on a regular basis. This can happen anywhere from the gym to the bar. I've been known to get my shoelace stuck in the little thing that goes around on the treadmill. The only thing more embarrassing than falling off the treadmill is by making it grind to a halt because my shoelace is stuck in some motor. I blame my falling on alcohol. Enough said on that subject. Flip-flops are also not my friend. I wear them on a regular basis but for some reason my foot tend to slip off the shoe all the time. I actually broke my foot by having my foot just slide off my flip-flop. Seriously? Who falls off a flip-flop?! The worst part was telling the doctor and my friends how I broke my foot. Almost anyone who knows me would never believe that I broke it snowboarding or something. Nope, not this tool.

4. My common sense is a lacking at times. I pride myself on being pretty smart, but sometimes I really have to sit back and wonder how I've made it this far in life without losing a major organ, limb, or having blackmail photos around the internet. Well, there might be photos, but what I can't see I don't care about. I just won't ever run for political office. Today was a perfect example of lack of common sense sometimes. I have been housesitting for the same house on and off for the past year and a half. I *KNOW* that the front door is tricky and requires the key every single time you close the door all the way. Its weird like that. So what do I do today? I close the door behind me when I take the puppies out to do their business and immediately I know that I have locked myself out. Now I see that I have two choices. I can either sit on the porch and just wait for three days for my friend to come home from vacation. I am almost positive I can survive on rainwater and honeysuckles. However, I know the dogs would not be hesitant to eat me should the need arise. My ass is enough to feed the entire neighborhood pack so two dogs would be in booty heaven. So I choose the second choice...breaking and entering.
I walk around back to search for a chair or ladder of some sort. Luckily my friend has all kinds of random crap in her yard and YEA! she had a ladder. I smacked that sucker against the side of the house and hoisted myself up towards the window. I finagled the window open and flung (literally flung) myself through the window. For a brief moment the image of Augustus Gloop getting stuck in that little pipe in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory flashed through my mind. When the police arrived, I certainly did not want to greet them with my not so great asset (pardon the pun) facing them. Fortunately, I made it through the house. I was sure that the neighbors had called the police on me, so I sat silently on the couch for about an hour waiting for them to arrive. So far so good though.

In summary...I'm a tool. I'm willing to admit it and I just might get myself a t-shirt to warn people. Or maybe I will just wear a shirt that says, "I'm a Sex Bomb. Ignite Me!" That should pretty much get the message across and maybe a few smiles too. :)

TAG...I'm IT!

So my good friend Cherry tagged me in her blog. I have to be honest with you all that I feel a little excited about this. Granted its not a REAL tag from Cherry, but it is a tag none the less. *Shudder* She's hot. :)
mm...How about Carrie, Amanda, and good ol' Christy. Fun with bloggin' kids!

"So here's how it goes... I get to tag 3 people, then they have to Pick 5 items from the following list. It would be best if you write the first thing that comes to mind that you would do if you could be one of these things. No fair picking things you already are, either. Then you're supposed to tag 3 other people to continue the excitement of the meme-ing."

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an inn-keeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a world famous blogger...
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...
If I could be married to any current famous political figure...


Here goes...

If I could be a painter I would paint large murals in neighborhoods to reflect the nature of the community. I would love to be commissioned by local organizations to do all types of paintings for their organizations or even murals in their buildings. I would also learn to paint with all types of paints. I would paint abstracts, like a big red block on a white canvas, and I would attempt to sell it for $$$. I would also paint portraits like the did back in the day for my friends. I would hang them in my house instead of pictures, kind of like a mini shrine to my crew.

If I could be an architect I would work to become sought after like Frank Lloyd Wright. I would want people to walk by my buildings and know that they were designed by me. I would design buildings for not only the wealthy, but also those that are just looking for a unique house for their family. My homes would appear in the lovely Home & Garden magazines.

If I could a librarian I would invent something easier to understand than the dewey decimal system. I used to hate that lesson in elementary school so it would be interesting to see what I could come up with to get the library organized. I would also attempt to create interesting programs to attract not only children to the library, but also young adults. Kids read when they are little, but tend to stop once they get into high school because time becomes crammed with extra curricular activities, after school jobs, getting ready for college, etc. I would love to do things at the library that would keep this teenagers interested in reading and visiting the library.

If I could be an athlete I would be a NASCAR driver. The idea of driving around at such high speeds is just intoxicating. The feeling of almost being out of control and also doing something that is so illegal on everyday streets would be incredible. My car would be hot pink with ads from Vera Bradley and Burberry. I would also date Tony Stewart and we would be an amazing NASCAR couple that was constantly stalked by paparazzi. Our pictures would appear in US, People, and maybe even STAR! I would attempt to wait longer to marry Tony than Renee did to marry Kenny.
Oh! And I would win every single race. GIRLS ROCK!

If I could be an astronaut I would walk on the moon and then report it to all the people who believe it some fake story the government made up. I would also take Lance Bass with me. I would feel horrible that I managed to get up to space and he still was not able to buy his way into the great beyond. Plus, he is kind of cute so it would be nice to have hottie male company. :)



This was actually fun!

Hmm...I think I will tag Carrie, Amanda, and good ol' Christy.

Random Debbie Stoller Info...

So I am reading one of my favorite magazines last night at the bookstore (yes, I am that person who reads magazines at the store)and I realize I recognize the editor's name. Did we go to high school together? Maybe I know her from 2peas? Then it dawns on me! The editor of BUST magazine is Debbie Stoller, none other than the author of my favorite knitting book EVER...Stitch n' Bitch!

What a talented lady she is. Not only does she publish one of the most awesome magazines but she can knit like nobody's business.

By the way, this month's BUST main article is about Amy Sedaris. She is absolutely hilarious! I want to know how it is decided to put all that humor into one family (her brother is author David Sedaris). Why? There are plenty of people out there lacking in the humor department that could use a little from this family.


Did you know that if you sliced off the tip of a lemon that it makes perfect erect nipples. Funny stuff and definately food for thought for later in my life. You learn something new everyday!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all the moms that read my blog! This holiday and Father's Day are probably two of my favorite holidays. Its easy to get excited about them and the gift is super easy to buy. Well kind of... My mother is one of the hardest people to buy gifts for. She is one of those women that buys what she likes. SO! This means that when she walks by the store and says "So cute! I love that." Then I guarantee you that a least a week later she comes home with that particular item. NEVER FAILS! So needless to say, I end up buying random items and just praying that she likes it. HA!

I love my mom!

Housesitting...still.

I am housesitting for the week and I think I miss my house. :(

5 reasons I miss my house.

1. My roomie.


2. Korky has his own sleeping spot at the house, but here he can only climb up in my lap and let his stink bombs fly way to close for comfort.


3. I have a sink. There is no sink here because of the construction. WTF?!
(No pics of sinks. You know what they look like.)

4. I have a closet at home. Here I have a chair and a laundry basket. That is not the way to keep wrinkles out of the pressed shirts.

5. It's cold as crap here and I can't find the thermostat. Who hides their thermostat?! I know its behind some picture and they are nanny camming me to watch me try to find it.

Anyone want to feel bad for me?! I know what will make me feel better.

I'm willing to take cash, checks, and pay pal.

Happy Seis De Mayo!

Ok, so I'm a little late with my well wishes for Cinco De Mayo, but hey. I was Margariting it up. What's a girl to do? Blog or Drink? I think the answer is obvious really.

I'm willing to admit that I had no idea what Cinco De Mayo was actually celebrating. The first time I ever actively celebrated the holiday was when I was living over in London. HA! Who knew that they were big Mexican holiday celebraters?! I certainly did not.

So I did a little research to find out what I was drinking for and found this...

"The holiday of Cinco De Mayo, The 5th Of May, commemorates the victory of the Mexicans over the French army at The Battle Of Puebla in 1862. It is primarily a regional holiday celebrated in the Mexican state capital city of Puebla and throughout the state of Puebla, with some recognition in other parts of the Mexico, and especially in U.S. cities with a significant Mexican population. It is not, as many people think, Mexico's Independence Day, which is actually September 16."

Well how about that. Huh.

I also learned that my Spanish sucks, except for curse words. I have those down pat. I've also learned that my liver will eventually just pee out of my body, thats how hydrated I keep it.

So Cheers to Mexico and the 5th of May!

Easy Mac Ain't So Easy...

I'm housesitting for a friend and they have left me the essentials while I am here...Fiji Water and Easy Mac. Seriously? You can't go wrong with Easy Mac.

OR SO I THOUGHT!

I have yet to make a decent bowl of Easy Mac since I got here. Why is this so hard? Either I have to much water or not enough. The cheese won't mix in and it never fails that the noodles don't cook long enough and I have crunchy mac. Its disgusting really.

Easy Mac blows.



DOWN WITH EASY MAC! I'm on strike against this crap...at least until tomorrow.